One way to deal with stress is reading a good book by a fireplace on a cold evening after work. Nothing could be better.

But reading in front of the fireplace might not be what you need to relax. What will help you deal with stress? There are two overarching principles. Let's look at these and you can decide what is better for your situation

A. You know what your stress is.
B. You don't know what your stress is

First, if your stress is gargantuan and completely overwhelming, you may need to take time and careful attention to find out what is going on that is causing you your amount of stress. This is going to take some hard work on your part. You may know right now what your major life stress. You may have several overwhelming stresses.

We cannot begin to take you through the process of de-stressing a major life stress in this short article but suffice it to say, if you are suffocating because of the pressure you must begin addressing the issue before it sets in and creates more symptoms and illness than it is right now. That said, here are a few steps.

Here are steps to change your known negative stress (or you would like to know what it is)

1. Determine when the episode of stress first began - if you don't even know or remember when the trauma first showed up, then you will have to do some linear time regression: go back in time to about the time it first seeded and began growing. Take a few days to work on this.

2. Each evening when it is quiet and you are relaxed, go back through your history to a time when you 'think' this first episode began. You will be surprised by what you will find. Make a mental note of this time and then go back even further. Somewhere you will get a visceral 'feel' that resonates with you. This may be just the time where you need to 'adjust' to a different, more positive outcome. How do you do this? You cannot change the memory of it but you can change the feeling, the emotion

3. I am asking you to change your perceptions of this event. You can change it by using your current positive state of well-being. Anchor and transfer something about you that is positive and transfer this same intention to the episode you are working on

4. Come back through time and watch how your timeline rearranges itself because of what you just did

5. You are not finished the first time you do this but you will change your perception of the meaning of your stress and that, my friend, is a valuable find. You will still have remnants of this major stress but its resonance will be different

Here are ideas to change your negative stress and you don't care what it is (or don't want to know what it is)

This is easy. You are looking to change your mental state of being, right? It could be the bad weather, your clothes fitting too tight, someone cut you off in traffic, or you kicked your toe against your bedpost this morning. In other words, you are mildly to moderately upset. This may be a day-or-two process and then it will fizzle out by itself. Great! Let's do this.

For starters, you need a place where you can go right now to get away. Like me and my book. You don't have to leave home to find this place. You just need your mind or body; not necessarily both - well, you do need both, just not for what we're going to do here.

I have collected many activities for you. Try as many of them as you can until you find the ones that de-stress you the best. If one doesn't work, move on. Don't get stressed about them.

Call a friend (a happy friend)

Read a book (keep it happy, try a classic)

Take a scented bubble bath (men, just take a shower)

Go to the gym (do my famous interval training for 20 minutes)

Write your feelings in a journal (Play with your kids (they have an attitude that you may need)

Have a massage (get a deeeep tissue massage)

Take a 30-minute walk (go on a mini adventure)

Buy or pick some flowers (aren't flowers amazing - the just are)

Take a catnap (10 minutes will recharge your energy battery)

Work on your hobby (a good hobby is an extension of yourself)

Watch a funny video (nothing better than a good belly laugh)

Do volunteer work (you have skills that others may need)

Drop in on a neighbor (you are neighbors!)

Take a yoga class (a good, planned, purposeful mind-body time)

Meditate or pray for 15 minutes (this is releasing!)

Watch one of your favorite TV shows (why is your favorite?)

Sit silently for 10 minutes (quiet the noise in your mind)

Have a heart to heart talk with spouse or friend (!!!)

Buy yourself a small present (when was the last time?)

There you go! 20 ideas here for you! Don't you give up and tell me they didn't work until you've completed this list. And all you need is just two or three.

Whether you go deep into your mind to change your emotional perception or you just take a walk or read a book you have an arsenal here to help you deal with stress in some new and exciting ways. They will work
But, what will you do for yourself tomorrow or next week or next month? Don't think you can do this just once and get away with it. You will need to find times for yourself throughout your life. And that's what I'm trying to get you to do; make a new habit for yourself.

Stress relief is an overlooked area of healing that is unfortunately put on the back burner until the right time appears. There will NEVER be the right time to do this. You have to make the time and make it soon, so you can heal your body, mind, and spirit. What good are you to others, family, spouse, work, if you cannot help yourself first?

By now, you probably have a long list. Good for you! Now better than that, make your list valuable by highlighting the most important activities and doing them!