I observe many parents on social media talk about gentle parenting. Calm voices. Perfect responses. Children who seem to listen after one explanation. At times, it inspires me. At other times, it makes me pause and ask myself, am I doing it wrong?

I try to practice gentle parenting with my four-year-old, sincerely and consciously. Some days, I manage to sit down, get to his eye level, explain things patiently, and hold space for his big emotions. On those days, I feel proud. Yet there are days when I am not in that emotional space. I am exhausted, overwhelmed, or simply not in the mood to talk. On those days, I scold him. Very rarely, I have resorted to hitting, something I am actively trying to reduce and move away from completely.

Almost always, guilt follows.

This guilt does not pass easily. It sits in my chest and whispers that I should know better. Over time, I have learned that this guilt turns into anger at myself, and that anger makes it even harder to return to gentleness. The cycle repeats: reaction, guilt, self-blame, emotional distance from the very parenting style I want to practice. Then I put in the effort to begin again.

I have come to realize that scolding or hitting is rarely about discipline. Children are loud, impulsive, and naughty. They are naturally curious, wanting to explore, test limits, and express themselves in ways that are developmentally appropriate. If they did not, we might still criticise, label, or compare them with other kids. There is no winning for them in that sense.

It is about control. About our expectations. About how we want them to behave, respond, and listen on our terms. When they do not meet those expectations, frustration builds, and that frustration sometimes comes out as scolding or hitting. Understanding this doesn’t magically fix everything. Awareness is just the first step, creating space for reflection. Many of our reactions are shaped by patterns we absorbed long before we became parents ourselves.

That is something I am still working on, slowly, imperfectly, honestly.

I do not believe behaviour changes overnight, not for adults and certainly not for children. Unlearning deeply ingrained responses is not a straight, predictable process when we are trying to raise a child gently. It is gradual and often uncomfortable.

What matters is intention and progress.

Small pauses. Small apologies. Small moments where we choose to respond differently than we would have before.

Children have an incredible capacity for unconditional love. They continue to seek connection and love us even when we fall short. This does not excuse our mistakes, but it does give us the motivation to grow.

Those who have known me for years can recognize the difference between the short-tempered person I once was and the person I am today. I am not flawless, but I am more aware, more reflective, and more intentional in my responses. Still flawed, but trying.

I am not a perfect parent. I never will be.

But I show up. I stay. I reflect. I try again after failing.

I choose to grow alongside my child, even when the process is uncomfortable. And, I believe that effort matters.

I am committed to doing better, one day at a time. Because parenting, for me, is not about perfection. It is about progress.