I often get asked how do I manage to be "so nice" in this "mean" world. Well, being very honest and straight, it's not easy being like this. I am not saying I am nice or great. I am not. I often describe myself as a mess because I really believe I am one. And that's the essence of my heart, mind and soul. As long as my thoughts are tangled with my feelings and the voice of my soul is a sheer chaos for my mind, I am happily alive. I just do what my conscience tells me to do. I don't mind sharing what I already have. What's really the harm in that ? A hand to grab, ears to whisper all your secrets in, a little piece of the heart full of understanding - that's not much in my eyes.

Well, most people are very sweet and always bombard heart-felt thank you and appreciation for the little acts I like to do for them. But honestly the thank you and "you are an angel" and "why so sweet" is not what makes me happy but the mere fact that I was able to do something for someone is enough to make the soul of my heart smile. I don't even want to prove a point that "I, the nice girl" did it. Just that, someone's need was quenched gives me joy. It really does. Of course my inability to say a "No" even when I should have said it loud and clear can be easily taken advantage of. But why not? If it's making you happy. I don't mind "getting used" too. But I definitely feel bad about the people who think I am oblivious to their intentions. Well, I am a smart woman who pretends to be a stupid girl but that doesn't mean I don't know what's going on. So the last time when you were saying nice things just to ensure I wouldn't say a no. Well, you actually wasted your time dipping your words in honey and then waiting for the honey to melt on my tongue. Well, here's a little secret about me, but first come a little closer, I don't want others to hear it; yeah, I don't even like honey.

Honestly, I feel bad for not doing enough because if you ask me I have never done as much as I think I should have. There are a lot of things I fail to offer, yes most of the time because of this "mean world". I feel bad about the tears I couldn't wipe, for the harsh reality that didn't melt with my sympathetic anger, for the sadness you had to bear all alone, for the call you made to enquire something and I couldn't pick, for all the "you should have told me this earlier" and for all the times I failed to offer the most of me. Someone once said this to me : "This world doesn't deserve all of you at all the times because this world is too mean and too cruel and it will destroy you pretty bad if you don't draw a line now."
Well, I just know one thing by now - I don't have a wealth of endless knowledge or millions of dollars or even a social service profession to offer. All I have is this mess that sometimes manages to be of some good (at least that's what people say). I have nothing more to offer than myself. And I have nothing less either. So if the line I would have drawn would have saved me from hurt and some tears, well I am glad I never did draw that line because if this world carries a potential to destroy me, I too carry a potential to make it a little more beautiful my offering nothing but myself.

So if you ask me how do I manage to be "so nice" in this "mean" world, all I can say is I can never be nice enough and this world can never be mean enough. All I have learnt to do is to be myself and I wouldn't change that even if it comes at a cost of some tears and sleepless nights because now every teary session turns into a poetic encounter with my soul and every sleepless night turns into a honest story like this one.