I am a complete mess
And that's something I don't mind 

I don't know how I manage to contradict myself
contradict myself with everything I say
everything I do
everything I feel
everything I think about

I say I don't give a damn
But when I am in my bed
Trying to fall asleep
I wonder about everything

And deep down I do realise that I actually care
I always did and always will
I say I am fine by myself
Really I mean it when I say it

But then something happens
I don't know what
And I am caught in an epiphany
That there are times when I actually need someone around

I hate such moments when I realise I am not as strong as I thought I was
This realisation, this pause makes me go crazy wondering
About things yet to fall
I want to catch it all already
Even before gravity does its job

I am sensitive but I am not vulnerable
I hate this world but I love everyone and anyone
I want to go out and enjoy but the only place I am comfortable in is my own room
I like being called wise or reliable but I hate being called pretty or cute 

I forget what I had for breakfast, but I remember the moment three years back when someone held the door for me
I talk like a typical girl. Don’t I ? But act like a woman
I sleep like a baby and eat like an old woman
And I am an expert at messing up conversations

It’s like I vomit the right stuff at the wrong time usually in the most inappropriate tone.
I say thank you and sorry more often than people say the f word
As a person, I am more awkward than my sleeping positions on the couch
I am spontaneously spontaneous

And you know what
When they talk about the rain and the sun
I wonder about those poor black clouds
And when the adore the beauty of the flower
I cherish the leaves that fall off 

YOU KNOW WHAT
YOU OVERTHINK
THAT’S YOUR PROBLEM 

Do I ?
Yes I do
But that’s not a problem for me
Is it for you ?
If yes, please tell me
I will think about it too
And tell me you don’t wanna talk about it
And then I wanna talk about WHY you don’t wanna talk about it 

WHY
I really don't know why I always want answers
I always want answers for every innocent WHY every curious WHY every concerned WHY every why WHY
You know sometimes my mind feels so much
And heart thinks so much
No, don’t think I mixed the two things 

That’s exactly what I wanna say
My mind feels so much
And heart thinks so much
But don’t worry everything around me its perfectly fine
Like my dressing, my study, my desktop folders they all are perfectly organised 

And me ?
Hah, I am a complete mess
And trust me that’s something I don't mind