To each, his own

Sandhya Nagaraj
Published on: 14th March 2014
As a student, I was incorrigible. I loved who I was, didn't find the need to "correct" anything in order to get "better". Then a few years later, I changed. I listened to the people around me, thinking that it would make me better. Mistake! It is true that you already know everything that you need to know, and that best version of yourself is hidden inside you. It would come to surface, if you only you stopped "trying" to get better, because you are already there! Life has come full circle. I now hate it when people try to change me- I wish to go back to that point in time where I was completely unaware that people would try to "change" me. (I am buying the time turner that Hermione had soon, if things turn out to be!) It is entirely another story if I want to change the self for whatsoever reasons. Sure there was a trigger for this, but that isn't the point. The point is who I am.

I am shy sometimes and overly extroverted at others, I have my own skewed definitions of life and the things that I do, and I answer to no one but my conscience. And when my conscience doesn't approve, I don't always listen. Sometimes, I try to drown its voice by listening to the noise of the outer world, which makes my mind all the more chaotic and toxic. And I realize I did wrong. And apologize. And sometimes, I listen. And I feel the bliss of having listened to that inner voice. And I strengthen it and tell it never to leave. What would my life be without my inner voice? A void.

I sometimes pretend to know the road I walk on when I have no clue where it leads to (and I do this with the auto drivers too- what do they know about my pathetic direction sense ;)), I knowingly walk into a pit knowing that I have all the time in the world to climb out, and sometimes I meander along the path because life is sometimes about the journey and not about reaching the destination. to each his own,inner voice
I am not perfect, I have my faults which I'm sure Chitragupta (as per the Hindu tradition) bothers to write down. But I also have a set of nice qualities which also is his duty to record. I'm not particularly bothered about the fact that he is noting down the good and bad about me; because he isn't the only one. I do the same thing that he does, I know the good and bad about me. Anyway, I digress. Coming back to who I am!

I love the peace and the quiet. I like to learn. I also tend to get comfortable with people and things, and then I'm too lazy to move out of my comfort zone. I am sometimes the all-talk-and-no-action person, and sometimes the no-talk-and-all-action person. I dream about waking up in Rivendell and finding myself amongst the honored company of the elves, about writing like I have nothing else to do in my life, and about far too many other things to mention here, just like the rest of you.

And while I am giving you glimpses of who I am, there's one thing that I must mention.

It is very difficult to get to me, but if you get to me, then you've gotten to me. There's no forgetting it, no undoing it, there's only enduring it.
And yes there is a whole lot of forgiving and patching up and the other nice things, but there's a way to get there, and words won't do it. (I remember our physics sir telling us, what cannot be cured, has to be endured!)

So if you want me to change, telling me to change will not work. Make me want to change. We all change for the one's we love, after all. ( and no, I don't mean love only in the romantic sense).

Why am I talking about who I am, do I have an identity crisis? No. I know who I am. I just want everybody out there to know who they are. That will be the best thing that happens to you. To know who you are. But why is this post so personal, and not general? Because life is personal. It isn't general. You are the hero of your life; you are the sun of your solar system. And no, I am not imposing! If you know that you are not the sun, I'm ok. You're the fourth moon of Saturn? Okay, then be. But know who you are, and live your life accordingly! All you have to do is to do what you must do with complete surrender. Never destroy your identity, for being yourself is the very essence to play this game of life.

Be yourself, for everyone else is taken!
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