Being the third person

Easy Decision Making
Shraddha Patil
Published on: 4th Anniversary (20 Nov '15)
Life..! Life is all about the journey through unexpected turns, the up hills and the down valleys. It is not a long drive on a highway, but it is an adventure tour in the wild.

Every one of us has lot of dreams for our life. To fulfill these dreams, we make some plans. If our plan works out it’s great. But what if it doesn’t? You might have started a plan with some desire and in the half way you come to know that the path you chose was taking you nowhere near to your dream. This is how our life takes turns! When such situations arise, the only thing we have in our hand is to take decisions. You have two things to decide from, either stick to the situation and cry forever, or, learn from the situation and move on!
Being the third person
Whatever happens in our life doesn’t depend on what we do, but it depends on what we decide to do. Doing something is not as much difficult task as taking the decision to do it. “Decision making” can seem to be a very official and theoretical word but it is involved in our day to day life. Daily we take hundreds of decisions knowing or unknowingly.

In life we come across very difficult situations where we strive at our best, but hardly arrive to a decision. And even if we take a decision we are still not ready to rely on it. You may be the owner of a million dollar business or a teenager going to college, we have situations where we need to take decisions. We have options where all options seem to be equally good or equally bad to choose from. At such times most of us go to our loved ones, may be colleague, friends, family, seniors etc and ask them for help! And with the god’s grace they help you and bring you out of the trouble.

But have you ever realized that the decision they took for you which you happily accepted, thanking them with your whole heart, was a decision that you could have taken by yourself but you couldn’t? Why does this happen? We might have been a great problem solver and quick decision maker for others when they come to you with their problems. But when it comes to taking decisions for your own, we lose all the qualities we have, even at a point our brain becomes blank and stops working. Why does this happen?

It happens because we humans have a tendency to assume our own situations and problems more intensive and larger than others. We are partial when it comes to our own things. For instance, if you are tensed about some work deadline and may be two days before someone in your neighborhood has expired and their relatives are crying and moaning. You feel pity about them but still it is disturbing you, you may feel “why do these people cry? crying won’t bring the dead back to earth!”. On the other hand, you might be hosting a DJ party at your place and your neighbor comes to you complaining that he is unable to work on his project because of your loud music, at that time you may feel that he is such an unfriendly or unsociable and selfish person who is thinking about himself and not about the society.

This might seem a funny state of affairs now but many times, it happens. We take our problems too seriously and make them even bigger by our assumption. We stick to our problems mentally, emotionally and all possible ways we can stick inn. We perceive ourselves as a victim. We start sympathizing and feel pity about our own selves. When are we emotionally so unbalanced? How is it possible for any human being on earth to take a perfect or a close to perfect decision?

There is a solution for this. “Be the third person!”

What does it mean? You might have gone through a situation when two friends of yours might have had a fight and they came to you with their problem. You became the third person, listen to both of them, give some solution and sort out the issue right! Your two friends couldn’t solve their problems because they were stuck in the problem and were having a victim feeling towards their own self. You, being a person from outside with stable emotions, were able to give the solution.

Now use this same ‘being third person’ thing when it comes to your problems. The question is how? Suppose you are stuck with a problem. You are unable to decide what to do, then firstly, stop thinking. Stop perceiving yourself as a victim, forget you are in trouble, become blank and calm down and come out of your shoes. Now assume yourself as your friend. You are now no-where related to the problem but your friend is in a problem. You need to help him by finding solutions and giving suggestions. Don’t be partial and truly believe that you are not helping yourself but your friend. After you have given the final suggestion, CONGRATS! You have taken a decision and now you know what to do.

If you follow this strategy, never in your life you will be in a situation where you won’t find a way to go! You’ll always have a third person to find ways for you. So, that was something how you can help out yourself in taking decisions.

‘Today’, is the ‘tomorrow’ that you were worried about, ‘yesterday! Stay happy, keep smiling. This is Niti, signing off!

Written & Submitted by GIBS B-School Student.
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